"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!" -- 8 year old
"I have a rock in my nose." -- 2 year old son, greeting his mother after preschool, a full hour after recess was over.
"Well, sometimes I say something mean to my brother, but I feel really good inside. Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?" -- 7 year old girl, after a Sunday School teacher explained that a hypocrite was someone who says one thing but feels something else.
"Daddy, did your hair slip?" -- 3 year old son, to his bald but long bearded father
"Tell me when you're asleep, ok?" -- 7 year old son, overheard talking to his 5 year old brother.
"They didn't see it -- it was all cut off!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new haircut
"Are you kidding me?! They go together like balogna and cheese! No, wait. More like mayonnaise and bread." -- 9 year old girl, when asked if her brother and cousin hang out a lot.
"Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet." -- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
"I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers." -- 6 year old girl, upon seeing flowers in a cemetery.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email." -- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer
On Love
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
On Science
"One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."
"When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."
"South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage."
"There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever."
"Lime is a green-tasting rock."
"Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there."
"I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing."
"The wind is like the air, only pushier."
"A blizzard is when it snows sideways."
"A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size."
"A monsoon is a French gentleman."
"Thunder is a rich source of loudness."
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